Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
