Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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