No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
