I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
