Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
