Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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