I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
