You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
