6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
