I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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