Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
