That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this will be a night to untag.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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