that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
