You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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