if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
