You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
