Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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