So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
why do cheetos always look like penises
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
