How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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