so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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