I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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