I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize