I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
