the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize