yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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