im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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