Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
