Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
