I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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