we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dicks are not precious.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize