i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
