I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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