I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So. Much. Porn.
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