Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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