Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
