he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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