You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
