Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
