I wish I only lived at night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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