The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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