she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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