HIV tests are more positive than that guy
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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