How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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