So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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