At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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