I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
bring money and cleavage
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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