I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
