to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i have two assholes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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