Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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