i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
