Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
