finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
