You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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