i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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