Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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