You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
