so explain again why im purple
no
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
