I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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