we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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