Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
