i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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