There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
