i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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