i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
