I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
