I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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