If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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