well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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