If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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