I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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