Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
