i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
