My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
