thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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