Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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