Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize